


every perfect summer's eating me alive.

by teenswithguns



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Bottom Luke, Daddy Kink, First Time, Heartbreak, M/M, Pining, Smut, Top Ashton, Virginity Loss, What am I doing, i haven't written a fic in years, luke gets hurt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-26
Updated: 2020-01-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:53:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22414309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teenswithguns/pseuds/teenswithguns
Summary: the one you love has the power to hurt you the most.title is lyrics from liability by lorde.
Relationships: Luke Hemmings/Ashton Irwin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 40





	every perfect summer's eating me alive.

Two months in. That is when Luke started to feel it. The pang in his chest when he would walk out Ashton’s front door. The walk down the front steps, and the whole walk home, all he could feel was his heart beating a mile a minute. Every step forward, pulling him back. Luke felt as if his ankle was chained to a block of cement, every nerve in his body screaming for him to turn back. It’s not like he was going home to a bad situation; him and Michael lived comfortably in an apartment just down the road. They had everything they needed and more, it wasn’t that at all.  
Luke thought about Ashton most of the day. What was he doing? What did he have for lunch? What is he wearing? Why are his hands so sexy? When can I see him again? His thoughts were a constant stream of “ashtonashtonashton,” and Luke sometimes wondered if that was healthy. 

Four months in is when Luke realized. He was in love with Ashton. It took two months of debating and anxiety and trying to convince himself otherwise, but he quickly realized he couldn’t think himself out of it. He was absolutely in love with Ashton Irwin, and he couldn’t get out of it. He was terrified, to say the least. It was his first real relationship, and if his love wasn’t reciprocated, it would be his first real heartbreak. 

Their story wasn’t too complicated. Luke walked into the bookshop Ashton worked at, they got to talking and exchanged numbers. It blossomed from there; late night facetime calls, texting all day, onto a first date, and soon they spent most afternoons and nights together. The first time Ashton asked Luke to spend the night, Luke swore his heart would fly right out of his chest. He picked up all their favorite snacks, and brought his favorite movies. The night was perfect. Cuddling, snacks, movies, and the occasional makeout session. That’s as far as it had ever gone though, and Luke’s realization that he loved Ashton gave him the idea to change that.

Six months in, is when Luke finally decided he had to tell Ashton, or he was going to burst. Two months had gone by since the realization, and his feelings had only grown. He was sure he and Ashton would share the same feeling, despite pangs of anxiety hitting him every once in awhile. He didn’t know what he’d do if his love wasn’t reciprocated. He threw the idea of that to the side, and constructed his plan. He was going to sleep with Ashton, and tell the other boy he loved him. `The night was meticulously planned out. He texted Ashton on a Thursday. 

LUKE: i have a fun date planned. be ready at 7 pm tomorrow please!!! :) 

ASHTON: ??? i’m scared, normally the date planning is my job… kidding. see you tomorrow babes.

At 6 PM the next day, Luke’s heart was racing. He had already convinced Michael to be allowed to borrow the car, after hours of pestering, and now all he had left was to get ready. He hopped in the shower, making sure he was shaved and clean. He needed this to be perfect. Once out, he dried off, and dried his hair, making sure to preserve his curls, which Ashton always told Luke he loved. He then pulled on a pair of black skinnies, and a maroon button up, with the top four buttons undone, exposing his chest, and the silver cross necklace Ashton had gotten him near the beginning of their relationship. He checked himself over in the mirror one too many times, before spraying on some cologne and heading out. He said goodbye to Michael and off he went. The drive to Ashton’s was filled with shaky hands and shallow breaths, Luke couldn’t believe he was finally going to do this. He parked in the driveway, and walked to the door, knocking softly. The nervous boy rocked on his feet as he awaited the answer, and sucked in a sharp breath when he heard the door opening, only to let it out when he saw who had answered: Ashton’s roommate, Calum. 

“Hey Cal.” Luke nervously chuckled, and after a bit of small talk, Ashton came walking up behind Calum. Luke felt as if someone had removed all the air in the atmosphere, jaw going slack as he looked at the man he loved. Ashton wore black skinnies, a white button up with a few buttons undone, and a leather jacket. It’s as if Ashton was trying to seduce Luke. A minute or so of small talk, and Ashton was out the door, lacing his fingers with Luke’s. “You look perfect, baby.” Ashton murmured against Luke’s ear, pressing his lips to the other boy’s cheek.  
“That’s all you, Ashy.” is all Luke could manage to say, before getting into the car. 

The two headed downtown, to a cafe, the place where they went on their first date. Luke parked and met Ashton at the passenger side, before walking in. They ordered drinks, and ate pastries, and finally, after 2 cups of coffee, and enough laughter to last a lifetime, they decided to head back to Ashton’s. The drive there was quiet, the only noise being the radio, playing some overplayed pop song, but Luke couldn’t care less. His heart was racing; he hadn’t managed to tell Ashton he loved him yet. He had to find the right time. 

They arrived at Ashton’s home, and walked in, to find Calum had left a note, mentioning he would be back in the morning. This was Luke’s chance to get something started, he thought. He would finally get to show his boyfriend how much he wanted and loved him. 

“We have the place to ourselves then…” Luke said softly, looking up at Ashton. The older boy nodded, and Luke grabbed his hand, leading him to the couch. “Then maybe… We can try something?” he mumbled, gently pushing Ashton to sit back on the couch, before straddling his lap. Ashton’s eyes grew wide as he realized what Luke was insinuating, and spoke. “Are you sure, Lukey? I don’t want you to-” Luke cut him off. “I’m sure, Ashy. I’ve been thinking about it a lot…” He bit his lip, looking down at his boyfriend, leaning in to press sloppy kisses to the man’s neck. “Especially when I’m alone in bed.” He whispered in Ashton’s ear, slowly grinding against him. Luke hoped he was doing this right, he had no experience, he was basing it all off of porn and what he thought Ashton would like. They’d never done anything more than makeout, maybe light touching, but other than that, Luke had no clue.

Ashton let out a little moan as Luke sucked a hickey into his neck, his large hands finding the smaller boys waist, guiding him to grind against him. Luke let out a little gasp as their crotches brushed each other, kissing up to Ashton’s mouth. “Ashy, I want- I want to make you feel good…” Luke breathed, nearly moaning as they continued to grind. Ashton bit his lip, eyes scanning Luke’s face for any sign that he was lying, and nodded slightly. “On your knees baby, want to test out that pretty mouth of yours.” Ashton said softly, yet his tone was so… dominating. Luke’s heart nearly beat out of his chest as he got off of Ashton and onto the floor between the older man’s legs. Ashton reached down to run his thumb along Luke’s bottom lip, before reaching to unbuckle his own belt, pulling it off and tossing it to the side. Luke was eager, and before Ashton could do it himself, Luke unbuttoned Ashton’s pants, rubbing a hand over the bulge in the older man’s jeans. Ash hissed at the contact, head tipping back ever so slightly, and Luke knew he had done something right. “Off.” Luke said, tugging at Ashton’s jeans, and off they went, along with his briefs. Luke’s eyes grew wide at the sight in front of him. 

Ashton’s cock was huge. It had to be at least eight and a half inches, and Luke began to worry that he may not be able to take it. Regardless, he leaned forward, licking a stripe up the underside of it, earning a moan from Ashton. He leaned up, taking the tip into his mouth, swirling his tongue around it, before slowly beginning to take more. Ashton moaned, hand finding its way to grip at Luke’s hair, tugging ever so slightly, before pushing Luke’s head down. The younger boy bobbed his head, taking more of Ashton’s cock into his mouth each time, whining when Ashton pushed his head down, but managing to not choke when he took it all, before pulling back, a string of spit connecting Ashton’s cock to his mouth. “I need you…. Daddy.” Luke spoke softly, innocent eyes locked on Ashton’s, praying that his use of that word was okay. Ashton let out a heavy breath, bending down and picking Luke up. “Whatever my baby boy wants, he’ll get.” The older boy growled into Luke’s ear, and Luke felt as if he’d die right there. He clung to Ashton’s shirt as the older boy carried him up the stairs and into their bedroom, pressing sloppy kisses along Ashton’s neck until he was placed on the bed.

“You look so pretty, baby.” Ashton murmured as he unbuttoned his own shirt, beginning to undo Luke’s. “Always so pretty for me.” He said, softly kissing the smaller boy, pushing the loose shirt he wore off his shoulders and tossing it to the side, before beginning to kiss across Luke’s collarbones. “Been wantin’ this for awhile, baby. Been wanting to wreck this pretty body of yours.” Ashton’s words mixed with the kisses caused Luke to moan out, rocking his hips upwards, in need of some friction. “Daddy, please…” Luke whined, and Ashton obliged, undoing the buttons on Luke’s jeans, pulling them off along with the boy’s briefs and tossing them to the side. Ashton stood up, and got some lube. “Might be uncomfortable baby.” He warned, coating a finger, pressing it against Luke’s hole. Luke let out a breathy laugh. “I’ve done it before, Ashy. I have toys at home.” He admitted, and that made Ashton want to ravage him even more. He pressed his finger inside the boy, and added another not too long after. “What do you do with those toys, Lukey? Hm, baby boy?” And Luke could feel his cheeks burning up, sure he was blushing, and through a string of moans as Ash fingerfucked him, he managed to speak. “Daddy- I… I-” He gasped as Ashton’s finger brushed against his spot. “I r-ride them. I fuck myself with them, wishing i-it was you cock.” He moaned, and Ashton pulled his fingers out, lubing himself up. “You want the real deal now, baby?” He smirked, and all Luke could do was nod and let out a string of “pleasepleaseplease.” 

Ashton eased into Luke slowly, knowing he had to be gentle with the boy at first. He held Luke’s hip with one hand, and the smaller boy’s hand with the other. Luke was whining and whimpering, but he adjusted quickly, and soon was begging for Ashton to move; so he did. Ashton began to pound into Luke, who was gripping onto the sheets, moaning and whining, eyes screwed shut in pleasure. They didn’t talk much, and all that could be heard was moans and skin slapping, until Luke breathily spoke. “Daddy! M’gonna cum.” Ashton continued, and after a moment he spoke. “So am I baby, cum for me. Make a mess of yourself.” That was all it took for Luke to come, untouched, all over his chest and tummy. The noises coming from his boyfriend and the sight was too much, and moments later, Ashton was filling Luke up with his own cum. Ashton rode out his high, before rolling over onto the bed. “Fuck.” was all he had to say, and Luke smiled to himself. 

He had accomplished what he set out- No. He hadn’t. He still had one thing to do. He turned to look at the man next to him, cheeks pink and small smile on his face. “Ash?” He asked, to be met with a “Hmmm?” from his boyfriend. This was it, three small words. He could do it. “I love you.” He whispered, ready to hear it back. But he didn’t. A few seconds passed. “What did you say?” Ashton spoke, an undetectable tone in his voice. “I love you.” Luke said, sitting up a bit on his elbows, looking over at Ash. The older boy looked at Luke, still unreadable. “Let’s get you cleaned up.” was all he said, before heading into the bathroom to get a washcloth. He came back and cleaned Luke up in silence, returning to the bathroom to toss the washcloth in the sink. He sat on the end of the bed. 

“Say something.” Luke said, at the brink of panic. He wanted to hear it back. Ashton had to feel it back right? After all this? Ashton sighed. “Luke, I’m sorry. I don’t know what you want me to say.” Luke felt as if his heart had been ripped out of his chest. “Say it back. Tell me you love me.” He said, sitting up. All Ashton could do was shake his head. “I can’t lie to you Lukey. I don’t.” And that was all it took for the tears to come rushing from Luke’s eyes as he got up and began throwing his clothes on, ignoring Ashton’s attempts to stop him. Ashton grabbed Luke by the wrist and Luke pulled his arm away. “What, Ash?! You want me to stop being emotional? You want me to pretend it’s okay that my boyfriend doesn’t love me? I gave you my virginity! I gave you everything I have to give! Is that not enough for you?” He shouted, tears streaming down his face, looking at the man who had hurt him. Ashton shook his head, frustrated at Luke’s anger. “It’s hard for me too, y’know? I’ve been trying for months, Luke! I like you, I care for you, but I just don’t love you. I don’t. No matter how hard I try to convince myself I do, I. Am. Not. In. Love. With. You. I can’t change that.” Ashton shouted back, and Luke shrunk in on himself, stepping back. “Why?” Is all he could get out, and Ashton shook his head. “Sometimes you’re too much, Luke. Too needy. Too clingy. Just too much.” He whispered, and Luke shook his head, unable to believe what he was hearing. 

“Well I’m sorry I’m too much, Ashton.” He said, pulling his shoes on as he walked out of the room. His heart was begging for Ashton to follow him downstairs and to the door, but when he checked over his shoulder, he was alone. He opened the front door and closed it behind him, walking to Michael’s car. The short ride home was all sniffles and slow breaths, because holy fuck, he had never felt pain before. When he made it home and crawled into bed, he sobbed. He sobbed until his body had nothing left to give. Sobbed so loud Michael came in, and at the sight of Luke, crawled into bed with the boy and held him for awhile. Luke pretended to sleep so Michael would leave. He laid there thinking about Ashton’s words. “I’m a liability.” He whispered to himself. “I’m a little much for anyone.” He sighed. His first love and now his first time, had become his first heartbreak all in one night, and he wasn’t quite sure how to fix that.


End file.
